Mental Focus Boxes
Hi darling,
Hope you are doing well, I have been thinking about what to write for today for quite sometime. There is one thing I recently realised which has been helping me a lot for quite sometime - the importance of mental focus boxes. I hope this helps you to do A LOT MORE in the same amount of time. We have only one life, so we should make the most out of it.
Doing quite a few things at once can be quite challenging, since your mind is trying to switch contexts between various things. But, we must train our mind to focus and COMPLETELY focus on one thing at one time. While watching a movie, we must be very very attentive to the plot, characters, shot, lighting and we must take in all that we can. It requires a great deal of training to block out any other thoughts, ANY other thoughts while doing one thing and one thing alone. Training your mind to focus, is the most important thing. in our modern day lives where we are constantly multi tasking. After any intense mental activity, try to give your mind some rest before jumping onto the next one, but when you do, try to be as focused as possible in that too. When reading, try to take in as much of what the author is trying to say and also how he is saying it.
I hope this helps you excel in whatever you do. All the best :)
Yours lovingly,
Dad
P.S - I hope we can practice training our minds together and practise intense focus. :D
Money and Wealth are tricky customers
Hi little one,
I know I stopped writing for quite sometime, but that was partly due to work and partly due to your old man being lazy. I hope you grow up to be industrious unlike your Slacker No1 dad here.
Today, I wanted to write about a very interesting and nuanced part of our lives - wealth. It has been on my mind for quite sometime and I am gathering my thoughts here. Wealth and the pursuit of it seems to be quite a fundamental goal in our lives once we turn adults. Often, this goal takes precedence over a lot of other things in life - peace, happiness and comfort to name a few. Whether, wealth accumulation or any of these other goals come first is a very personal question. We can think about it in the following angles.
1. A minimum amount of wealth is necessary, always. A safety net is a must and this take precedence over comfort, I would say.
2. What can wealth get us that would make us happy ? Many people love wealth for wealth's sake, I do not know how. But what are the things that wealth can get us that would make us truly happy - A home ? A new piece of furniture ? A perfume ? Think about these things before pursuing wealth blindly.
3. Follow up question - What if those things require an extraordinary amount of wealth ? Well, then let's think about our happiness-it-brings vs wealth curve. On the x axis, plot the amount of money required, which is an objective amount. Now, we need to measure the amount of happiness, that particular thing would give us. To help us in measuring, think about the happiness that known things give us and place it on the y axis, then think about what half and then double the amount of wealth can fetch you and how happy that would make you. This can make our heads clearer about the happiness vs wealth equation.
4. Wealth is an opportunity cost for doing something else.
4. Wealth and time - Wealth is security for the future. A rough estimate of how much you would need is absolutely essential.
5. Think about how our life would be measure beyond what we own, did we talk well ? Did we dance well ? Did we do something good for people ? These measures are important, because pursuing activities which wealth cannot buy is priceless. Nobody can help you become a better tennis player or a violin player by gifting you a million dollars.
Yours always,
Dad
P.S - Think of everything which money cannot buy, many of them are priceless and you should have them in your life.
Your dad is changing
Hi little one,
I know I did not write to you last week. I am updating my schedule, I will write to you every two weeks. If you are disappointed, then don't be because I am trying to focus on quality instead of quantity. I have been mostly advising you for the last couple of weeks. This time, it is a bit different, I need to reflect on my own thoughts, feelings, attitudes and philosophy of my life. Socrates rightly said "An unexamined life is not worth living" and I truly believe in that. Self-introspection is a powerful tool and we should use it from time to time.
Your dad has believed in certain principles until now. Love, romance, marriage, a happy family and all that. I would like to believe in all that in the future as well. But, I have been become more open towards other ways of leading my life. I am not so sure that I can spend my life with another person, give them all the love and happiness and grow old together. I have other things that I intend to do - music, poetry, film, photography and they keep me happy and occupied. I also like to keep my own company and have become somewhat less social.
I have become quite liberated, I must say and exploring a different side to myself which I have kept suppressed all this while. But, this change has been quite scary and overwhelming for me as well. I do not know what the future holds, but I hope it is good. This change has been a result of catastrophic loss about a year back, which I haven't had the courage to tell you about - but soon I will.
Yours (a little bit confused),
Dad
P.S - The cycle of change above.
Talking and making sense - The art of communication
Hi princess,
I just came back from a scintillating concert which had many parts - Carnatic Violin, Carnatic Vocals, Odissi and Kathak performances. Two very young girls performed Odissi and their confidence and skill at such a young age just blew me away. I hope you grow up and excel at something you like as well. I have been thinking what to write and this very significant topic just popped up in my mind - The art of communication.
We always try to tell people things, ever since we are babies - we babble to know what we want from our parents and then slowly learn to talk, scream, shout and cry. All of them are forms of communicating, of saying what you want to say. These letters themselves are my way of communicating everything I feel and think to you. But, effective communication is an art, every politician, entertainer, comedian knows this art very well. There are countless resources to teach you this art, but the following is what I have learnt from my life.
Smiling makes someone's day, whether it's a cab driver, a barista or anyone you encounter - if are not sad yourself, spread the cheer and make them feel a part of your happiness. Similarly, a kind thank you ( a kind one, not a curt formal one) shows your appreciation in a small way towards all people you encounter and interact with.
Never be afraid to state facts, but be careful about opinions. Often, we encounter people who pride themselves on being very "straightforward", actually often to their own disadvantage. Facts are sacrosanct, but opinions change and may be ill-informed, be very careful about communicating opinions, because an ill-informed opinion might cause unnecessary complications.
Know the right place, time and mode to state facts, brash talking and matter of fact way of putting things might not be the best way every time.
Talk you heart out and be honest - one thing I often regret is how less I talked to my father before he left us. Talk and clear your emotions and thoughts. People are built for communication, not for isolation.
Making bullet points helps most of the time.
Silence is better than confused thoughts and expression.
Use words judiciously, a lot can be said in less words.
Best,
Dad
P.S - Last point, Always talk to dad :)
Simple sounding advice is usually too good to be true
Hi little one,
Firstly, sorry for not keeping up to schedule last week, because I had gone to India for some urgent work. But, here I am, back again to dad and daughter trying to figure out life. Today's piece is about something I have realised over the years either by myself or by looking at other people's lives at a close range. It is the often over-looked fallacies of simple sounding advice. Before, I get started, I HAD to post this beautiful street in Pondicherry, India.
When we are in our teens or just starting our careers, a lot of simple sounding advice is floating all around us by various mediums. Parents, relatives, friends, books are always ready to offer some dosage of it. But, all of it must be taken with a healthy dose of inspection and and suspicion, because they tend to hide or abstract away some complexities of life. Let me illustrate with few examples.
1. "Follow your passion" - Sounds good from fake motivational speakers and rebellious teenagers, but it is usually more complex than that. We may not be really good in what we are passionate about, when we realise this, does your passion for that particular thing wane ? Then, there is also the concern of your passion and job. If your passion pays well, then that's alright because you enjoy the work you do and you get paid for it. A way to think about your passion is as follows. If your passion is about long distance cycling, think what would happen if you were an average long distance cyclist. Would you be happy doing that as your job, would it pay well ? If not, its better to pursue something else and make your passion your hobby. This framework of thinking applies to any activity, think of what would happen if you were on average good at that activity.
2. "Work Hard" - This is true but with conditions. Work hard, but work smarter. Organise your work into priority boxes and also by how difficult they are. Delegate or defer less important work. Always keep your mental and physical health above working hard.
3. "Never give up" - Simply not true, if you do not get incrementally better at anything, there is no point in trying to do the same thing over and over again. For example, if your target is to run 5kms in 30 minutes, you should do something ( control breathing, better attire, better posture) to be incrementally better each time you run. Repeating the same experiment and expecting different results is a fool's task
4. "Always be positive and cheerful" - It is impossible for a person to do this. Don't even try. Inspect and analyse your emotions - all of them.
5. "Don't think what other think of you" - We are all social creatures, it is very natural that we do this. But, we should not compare or asses our self worth totally based on the judgement of others and ruin our mental health.
If I can think of more, I will let you know. But whatever you dad says is true though ;)
Best,
Dad
P.S - I was in India to get our own house. I do not know if you will get to see it, but I hope you do. :)
The importance of honest feedback
Hi dear,
Its a pretty usual Friday evening here. I had a pretty busy day today, but I will keep to my schedule and the promise I made to you. I have thinking about what to write to you today and the events that transpired today presented a great subject before me. I have been thinking about it all day, today - The importance of honest feedback.
Today, I visited the violin shop to check for any defects with my violin and to make my life easier while trying to learn this instrument. The uncle at the violin shop convinced me to buy some really expensive violin equipment, but at the same time gave me some honest feedback - my progress has been slow. I took the feedback calmly which is quite unusual because I usually get sad and frustrated on any criticism. I was quite happy with this feedback, because it helped me understand where I was going wrong.
Then, I started thinking of all the places we should take regular constructive feedback - not just corporate appraisals or academic settings, but in life, relationships and other activities as well. I will not dwell on corporate feedback here, because there are many resources on the internet explaining it in detail. Rather, I would like to discuss about approaching the idea of feedback and learning from it in every sphere of our lives.
In all relationships (friends, parents, partners, etc), we can ask the other person whether our actions disappointed them or just what we could do better, because these are the people who know us best.
In any activity, cooking, cleaning, playing a sport or an instrument, gymming, photography it is important to get feedback and more importantly to incorporate that feedback into actions which make us better.
I hope one day, you give me feedback on how to be a better dad as well, because feedback can come from anyone big or small :)
Love,
Dad
P.S - The picture is of our boat on Halong Bay, Vietnam and all the lights and flags which indicate if something goes wrong - giving feedback to everyone on board.
P.P.S - If you ever take up computer science and artificial intelligence, you will learn that learning from the errors machines make, is what makes them smarter and AI possible. An AI system calibrates itself ever so slighlty, with each error that it makes.
To play or to pass
Hi princess,
It is quite late here, but I have to keep sticking to the routine. I was wondering what to write today, but finally decided on a topic which has been bothering me quite recently. But first, apologies for the picture, which could have been edited better, but your old man is almost on the verge of falling asleep as he is typing this.
I have often given you the analogy of how life is a game of chess, where you make a move and the universe makes the next. The course of the game is what we call destiny. But, this game is quite different, because the universe is not trying to defeat us, sometimes it plays moves adversarial to our conditions, sometimes it does us a favour.
Today, I have another question utmost importance - what if we want to skip a move and let the universe decide the next few moves and then resume playing. What if we are unable to make a decision about what move to play and just pass it on to the universe. Should we do that ? If yes, when and when not to do that.
I confess I do not know the answer at this point, but maybe a few guidelines can help. If the uncertainty is too much and it just results in overburdening yourself with complicated thoughts and scenarios, maybe its time to let the universe decide. Sometimes, it can get overbearing for the human brain and heart to comprehend and calculate what to do with the limited information it gets. Another guideline, is to minimise hurting people and that includes you as well. If our move, hurts people, maybe its best to let the universe decide. If the decision is quite long term and irreversible, its best to to play the safe option, which is to let the universe decide or take some step which is very neutral and safe.
Dads are supposed to be superheroes, but this question has me confused as well. If you come up with such a situation, maybe we can work out a play or pass on life's chessboard. Even better, you teach me how to make that move. :D
Love,
Dad
N.B - The picture signifies our boat on the sea of the universe. When do you let the waves take you and when do you steer the boat ?
Quirky hate for something
Hi Princess,
I think you would be glad to know that I have kept to my schedule. Hopefully, I can keep sticking to it for the future. I was wondering what to write today and then the universe had the perfect setup for me which lead to me choosing this topic.
Do you ever feel unnatural, quirky, weird animosity or hatred towards a person, place or activity ? I think these unexplainable thoughts are what make us human and it is important to inspect them with the microscope of our minds. If you ever feel that way, remember it is completely natural and it happens with everyone. But, do not let it fester, analyse why you are feeling this way, because holding anger for no reason hurts ourselves more than anybody. If you feel hatred towards a person. is it because something about them bothers you subconsciously and you just cannot admit the truth, or does it remind you of certain behaviours or actions you dislike. If you dislike a place, what makes it so, the actual place or something associated with it. The same goes for any activity.
It is important to make sense of these feelings, I am not asking you to be perfectly okay with every single person or place. If after close inspection, you find the reasons valid, try to avoid that person or place. But, try to be very thorough in your analysis and fair to the person you are inspecting, otherwise it just makes your world a more bitter place and we don't want that.
If you still cannot understand why you do not like something or someone, I am always here to talk to. The picture is to help you calm down if you feel bitter and anxious.
Love, peace and hugs,
Dad
The importance of routine
The universe will give you back your flowers
Hi little one,
Yes, I know it's been a long long time since I wrote to you. A lot has been going on in my life and I have learnt a few things in the process. I just wanted to share one very important lesson I learnt.
Unless, you have inferred from the previous letters, your old man is a hopeless romantic and I hope you grow up to be one too. I hope you receive and also give the brightest flowers of your heart to the altar of the ones you love. I gave it to someone too, along with some beautiful lines from my most favourite voice - Md Rafi. But sadly, the universe had other plans, and someone got angry and I had to throw the flowers in the dustbin and the lines were smudged by my tears. I felt that this world has no place for people like you or me.
But, you see life delights and surprises us if our actions have been from a pure heart. After a few months, someone gave me flowers and I got my flowers back from the dustbin and straight into my heart. So you see, if you do anything will pure intentions, I feel the universe will give you back what you lost. You just have to give it some time to figure it out how.
Many of us do not see the beautiful rangoolis the universe creates with all of us as flowers. We should be more open and observant of how the universe plucks and then plants so many people of varied colour, size and shape into our lives.
Yours forever,
Dad
P.S - Never turn down flowers from someone, disagree with them because you want to. But, please never turn get angry at someone who brings you flowers.